Sunday, September 26, 2010

Short Film Treatment #1

Both attend High school, it's the first day of school. Two characters are both sophmores.  Boy sleeping in his bed.  Girl sleeping in her bed.  (All their action parallel from this point on).  Alarm goes off at 7 am and they both hit their clocks aat 7: 02 to turn it off.  They both get up walk to their kitchens and eat breakfast.  They both wait at the same bus stop with headphones in not paying attention.  Their friends come and they say high and talk.  Both get on the bus.

They sit and talk on the bus with their own friends in their own groups.  Both get off the bus and walk to school with their own group of friends.  Bell rings and everyone goes to their 1st period class.  They both walk into their designated PE locker rooms.  (now parallel action stops)

Boy look around and walks in everyone is changing.  Goes to his PE locker, stops in front of it stares at it.  Then stares at everyone around him.  Pulls out his phone to see if he has any text messages.  There are none.  The only text messages hes got are from his guy friends.  He heaves a sigh and puts his phone back inside his pocket.  Puts his arm on the locker and leans on it for a few seconds.  He dresses into his PE clothes and.  Walks outside into the gym where everyone is.  He approaches his friends and they start talking.

PE class boy is talking with his friends.  Boy seems to space out for a short period of time.  The girl comes out of the other locker room talking to her friend.  Boy looks at the girl, seems shocked and admires her beauty.  Then the girl looks away from her friend and toward the boy, their eyes connect.  A connection is made in the way their eyes are locked on each other.  They stare in each others eyes for a minute.  They both then instantly look away at the same time and blush.  They both go back to talking to their friends, and ocasionally exchange glances at each other without the other person knowing.  PE teacher calls roll and everyone lines up in their assigned positions, teacher announces that dodge ball going to be played.  Everyone goes against the wall and boy on one end of the line and girl on the other end.  Teacher randomly pics teams, boy gets on team one and girl gets on team two.

Teams seperate and Boy in group with his friends laughing and giggling, occasionally looks at girl.  Girl in group with her friends and laughing and giggling, occasionally looks at boy.  As they are talking to their friends they both space out and think about holding hands, jubilantly, and walking down the hallway together hand in hand.  Teacher blows whistle they both come back to reality.  They both spread out on the court with everyone else.

Teacher blows whistle and game starts.  Boy and girl both rush to the middle of the court to get a ball.  At the same time Boy picks up a ball and girl picks up ball.  They see each other across the court and both wind up their arms to throw.  Looks like they are aiming for each other and will hit each other.  They both at the same time release the ball.  One ball spirals through the air and hits a random person on the boy's team, because girl actually aiming for another person.  The other ball spirals through the air and hits the girl in the face, mostly in the eye area.  She is thrown backwards onto the floor due to the force.  The boy looks shocked because he thought she was aiming for him and wanted to get her back.

Teacher blows the whistle and everyone rushes to help the girl.  The boy gets to the girl first and puts out his hand to help her up, but she ignores it.  She gets up with the help of her friends.

The boy then stares at the girl as she walks off the court with the help of her friends.  The girl slowly turns around and stares at boy looking extremely angry.  Her friends look at him to and give him the evil eye.  Boy (standing alone) cringes and walks away towards the locker rooms embarresed and now thinks of them walking jubilantly hand in hand into the sunset, but only her with a black eye.


  1. This was pretty funny at the end. I can see the romantic comedy genre in this. Seems like a interesting video to watch but seems kind of short.

  2. Simple but good story. Your film is gonna be too short however so you should develop your characters more thoroughly and perhaps add comical elements to the characterizations of the boy and girl. Or maybe include reasons of why the boy likes the girl and the reason may be extremely strange to the average person. Perhaps he likes the way she sweats in PE something along those lines.

  3. A short of romantic comedy that has actions taking in PE and everything mainly happening with the two charcters in PE. The two characters aren't really fully developed they dont show there feelings just them two day-dreaming about each other. Did they know each other before the PE scene? Is it the first day of school? A little more backgroun information is needed to further interpret the story the idea of a comedic romantic movie is a good idea.

  4. Well this is an interseting scenario found, but very presentable. I like the fantacy twist within the film when he dreams about the girl because it creates a metaphorical idea. Be more elaborate on the film because as it seems right now, this is only a portion of the film because it doesn't seem long enough for a short film. The idea is simple and doesn't call for an outstanding performance so use that to your advantage. I also love the open-endedness to this potential film and the fantasy part sets you up to display many effects and techniques to enhance your film. I look forward to watching this film.

  5. I am confused. I see no resolution at all. It all seems to stop abruptly and without notice. I can see the romantic and comedy aspects in your treatment but they both seems to be very sparce. The romance is limited because they never really meet and the comedy isn't explained in this treatment. Maybe its because the writing near the end is confusing. Nice idea though. I like the parallel action.

  6. haha this is hilarious, but i feel like there needs to be more development of a crush on his part. just seeing each other before class starts is a little weird. I think it is a little short, but overall seems like an interesting project.

  7. This treatment has the sense of a romantic comedy but you need to add more details and background. The story seems interesting and has a good overall plot to it except the conclusion. I like the idea of the PE locker room scenes.